Nothing in particular to say

Here'e to the Night

2010-06-30T05:14:00.002+08:00

So denied so I lied are you the now or never kind
In a day and a day love I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name on the line along with place and time
Wanna stay not to go I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

- "Here's to the Night", Eve 6

A toast. Here's to the nights my friend. Good bye, and I sincerely hope that you are in a better place.

Blogging, life and work

2010-06-30T04:57:00.002+08:00

Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere

Just a city boy
Born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere

A singer in a smoky room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people
Living just to find emotion
Hiding somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice just one more time

Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people
Living just to find emotion
Hiding somewhere in the night

Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlight people

Don't stop believin'
Hold on
Streetlight people

Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlight people

- "Don't Stop Beliving", Journey

Ok, I admit. I didnt even know Journey existed untill I watched Glee. Just finished all 22 episodes of season 1. Am now eagerly waiting for season 2. Am now heart and soul a Glee fan =) Also, have expanded my musical horizons quite a bit now. For example, I think Queen is actually pretty good.

I have say, considering that the last time I blogged was freaking LAST YEAR november, its really been a while since I've blogged. On one hand, I guess because I was (am?) less...emo, but mainly, its because I've been too busy with work and stuff. Still got so many movies to watch, books to read and so on.

I guess most of us blogged because as students, we really just had too much free time on our hands. The moment we start working, unless blogging really is your passion, or source of income, after a while we just drift off I guess.

Still, this place is like my very own unofficial therapy site, albeit one which I have to clean up the spam comments that appear once in a while. Guess I'll still pop in here from time to time. At the very least, not another half a year absence. Heh.

I sometimes think this

2010-06-30T04:24:00.003+08:00

He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better

He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says, you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine

But I've been screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He respects my space and never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
He's close to my mother
Talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing, and I'm comfortable

But I've been screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He can't see the smile I'm fakin'
And my heart's not breakin'
'Cause I'm not feelin' anything at all

And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated
Got away by some mistake and now

I'll be screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
It's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

And that's the way I loved you
I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

- "The way I loved you", Taylor Swift

Do I love you? Or am I just playing the role of a boy friend so well that I cant tell the difference. Is this just me thinking that the grass is greener on the other side (in other words, being an asshole); or am I really trapping myself in a relationship where I'm...settling for someone, and am not actually passionate about someone?

I wish I knew you know. Really. When you're with me, I act, behave, and pretty much how you expect a boyfriend to be. When you're not, I find myself thinking thoughts like this, my attentions and affections wandering, my faithfulness to you increasingly being tested with each encounter.

And I really don't want to live like this. You're everything a guy could ask for really, no matter what baggage you come with. Everyone has their own issues after all. And yet, I'm missing that fiery passion that comes when someone special enters my life, fills me completely, makes me act crazy. The way I was when I was with...others.

Still, I'm conscious of the possibility that I'm in fact, fed too much of hollywood bullshit and that I'm actually more in love with the idea of "Romantic Love" as we see/read in fiction then I'm in love with a real person. Maybe how I feel for you is actually what other people have, just that I myself am unsatisfied, thinking that there is more to it or what not.

I have done some seemingly crazy things, but in truth, I know in a few of them I was actually coldly calculating the best response to the situation, while in the majority of others, I was really just...being a boyfriend. One could say I was...fulfilling my duty. Heh. I'm not sure how many I did was out of the fact that I was head over heels, madly, truly, deeply in love with you.

The way I loved others before.

Its been a while

2009-11-15T18:05:00.002+08:00

Its been a while. The blogging bug is back in me. God knows why.

Some people have commented that I been ultra-emo in my blog. Needless to say, it skewed their perception of the person that I am in their eyes. *shrug* So its true that I can be super-emo. That does not define me. The moments when I'm happy, irrational, quirky, upset and what not are all captured in here too I think. Maybe not to such a great extent that I would like but... yeah. Life goes on.

Anyways, I guess its been a really long while since I last blogged. Surprising though, since its a much shorter amount of time then I thought. Anyways, for those who dont know, I'm in a new job now, in the advisory department of one of the big 4 accounting firms doing consulting work.

The work is ok, the hours are surprisingly reasonable, and most of all, the exposure to different industries is good. Pay could be better though. =/ Lol, but then again, the pay could always be better. I'm ok for now I guess. Must learn to be contented with what we have after all right?

Still, wasting a year of my life away like that was so, so stupid of me. I may not have known better last time, but that doesn't make it anymore excusable. Then again, could be god's timing and all, but it have also just plain been my own fault.

Currently in a relationship, though if you asked me if she was THE ONE, I would be hard pressed to answer. Is there really a 'THE ONE' for any of us? Or is she just someone happened to be along at the right moment at the right time?

As all couples, we have our similarities and our differences, though sometimes, I'll admit its a struggle not to compare her with...others. Predecessors. Betters? Or maybe its just me. I just know its unhealthy to know that if I wanted to, I could just call her and end it right now and not feel a thing. Except maybe relief. Or maybe that's what I think I would feel. Maybe the reality is that I would cry, sob, regret my foolishness, beg for her forgiveness and crawl back to her. Maybe. *shrug*

Anyways, I'm back to blogging. For now.

New Divide

2009-06-25T12:01:00.003+08:00

I remembered black skies / the lightning all around me
I remembered each flash / as time began to blur
Like a startling sign / that fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

CHORUS

So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason / to fill this hole / connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide

There was nothing in sight / but memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide / the ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in / between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

CHORUS

So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Across this new divide

In every loss / in every lie
In every truth that you'd deny
And each regret / and each goodbye
was a mistake to great to hide
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

CHORUS

So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason / to fill this hole / connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide x3

- "New Divide", Linkin Park

Watched Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen yesterday...pretty good, but kinda lacks that AWESOME factor to it you know? Didn't get me as excited as the first movie, the Dark Knight, Star Trek or Ironman did.

Also, just came back from Redang. Went scuba diving with the CF email chain gang and Suk Mun's UOB colleagues. Pretty fun all in all, scuba diving really does allow you to enter another world, to see things you could never see on the surface of the land. Can't wait to go for the next dive. What was less fun was my tire bursting on me on my way up n totalling my car with the divider. =(

Hmm...well, I've left my previous job am and now going to start work at my new place on July 6th. Definitely will be a lot busier then where I formerly was. Heh, looking forward to it though. Bumming around now and enjoying it while I still can ><"

Put up this song mainly due to the Transformers. Been listening more to Lacuna Coil and oddly, Taylor Swift. Oh well, till next time.

Late nite....again

2009-05-09T01:52:00.002+08:00

Well, here I am again. I always seem to post at nite hmm...guess the stillness of the world at this time tends to bring out something in me.

Quite a few people have asked me about my previous post, or to be exact, the same way janice asked, "who and who?!"

Well, there's ultimately a difference between missing someone and reminiscing about someone. For me, certain songs (and to a lesser extent, items and pictures) tend to trigger memories in me, memories about people, about stages in my life...

I guess I could say I was going over my memories of my past...reliving them. But was I merely reminiscing or did it go deeper then that? I think the most correct thing to say was that I was thinking about them....I think.

I do know one thing though. I'm definitely gonna leave my job. Just a matter of when.

Late night rambling

2009-04-29T02:52:00.005+08:00

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
Loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet
Perfect words that you said

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God, when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Sing sha la la la
Sing sha la la la la

Ooo Ooo Ooo...
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me, drown me in love

It's all wrong, it's all wrong
It's all wrong, it's so right
So come on, get higher
So come on and get higher
'Cause everything works, love
Everything works in your arms.

- "Come on get higher", Matt Nathanson

No particular reason why I chose this song. Just like that John Mayer/Jason Mraz feel to it.

I'll admit I still occasionally think of you. And you too. This despite the fact that for all intents and purposes, I'm attached to someone else. I'm such an asshole.

I really do need to be emo to finish a blog post apparently. Right now every time I feel like blogging something I tend to lose steam halfway and leave it at draft form. Then later delete it when I lose the urge to blog about that particular rant/incident/thoughts/rambling.

Can just say am not that happy with my current job. Am thinking whether one should honor their contract and why. Have to admit that leaving my job would be mainly due to pride/envy more then anything else.

This is troubling. Pride seems to be the main motivator in my life. That, and laziness.

Would even go so far as to say have been mildly dissatisfied with life in general so far until today. Odd right. Somehow found peace of god after some questioning, some serious discussion, a lot of reading and thinking.

Not good. Especially that I'm still awake at 3am.

Sleepy time.

First post of Year 2009

2009-03-23T11:36:00.000+08:00

Hello.

It’s been a while since I’ve logged on here. Guess I haven’t been indulging in self-pitying and emo sessions. Heh.

Anyways, I’m trying to start afresh this year and so far it seems somewhat successful I guess. Still see-sawing between being a Christian and a free-thinker, but then again, I’ve always been somewhere in between, just depends on whether I lean more to one side or the other at various points in my life.

Oh, and for those who still don’t know, I’ve started work already. Won’t mention my workplace online, but you can always ask me personally. Some know where I work anyway.

Right. A new years resolution for me is not to use this blog as a emo dumpsite anymore. Not to say I won’t emo here, but I’m resolving to be less indulgent in such…weaknesses? Yea… This would mean I’ll start blogging on other stuff more instead. Maybe I’ll get to have a chuckle when I read my posts years from now.

Or more likely, cringe in embarrassment, then delete everything ><” We’ll see.

Over

2008-12-16T11:38:00.003+08:00

My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you ' or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over

- "It's not over", Secondhand Serenade

Well. Its over.

She technically was avoiding me last year I guess. Not this year.

She just sees me as a friend now. At least we can talk to each other honestly and straightforwardly.

I'm disappointed, its true. And yet, maybe because I've already expected it deep down, or maybe I'm just blocking it off, I'm not as upset as I thought I would be. In fact, a part of me is....relieved. Not exactly what I thought I would feel.

I could just kick myself for my own stupidity, past and present, but that won't really help matters anymore at this point of time I guess.

Time to move on.

Rambling Thoughts

2008-12-12T01:46:00.003+08:00

There are so many other things I should blog about. That I can blog about. That I'm planning to blog about. But undeniably, I only tend to blog when I'm feeling down or emo. And being a brooding and melancholic guy by nature, this tends to happen pretty often...especially if left alone.

*Much online reading later*

Ok, so I got sidetracked...as I often do. What originally was about to turn into an emo post has changed abit. I started reading some websites on freewill, a question that has always been bugging me for a long time and there sure are quite a few forums going on about it. From there, it leads to questions of omnipotence, freewill vs. morality....but I think I'll leave that for another time.

Ok, so maybe I'm still gonna go ahead with the original post, but at least I know I'm not feeling so emo anymore. Hmmm...you know, I really should stop using that word. 'Emo' is one of those words that don't really describe anything, like 'nice'.

RAAARRRRHHHHH!!!! *ahem* Heh, I remember reading in a humorous book where a running gag was that more than 3 exclamation marks by a person usually denote an unhinged mind. 5 was a sure sign of insanity.

Ah forget it. When I'm not feeling emo or being focused, my mind wanders around way too much. No way I can type out my original post anymore. I suppose that's for the best in any case.

I'm thinking of you right now though. I realize that I may not be as important to you as you are to me. It hurts. If you don't want to see me it would be better to just say it instead of always being busy or somewhere else. Cos just so you know, I'll always keep asking unless you tell me not to.

Heh, guess I ended up being a little emo after all.

Pieces

2008-11-25T12:37:00.000+08:00

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit here anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

I don't know why

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit anymore

Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Cause I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why

- "Pieces don't fit anymore", James Morrison

My life is a mess. I'm a mess; Mentally, Emotionally, Physically. I thought I had a plan, but like they say, the best laid plans never survive contact with the enemy.

The thing is, sometimes, the worst enemy out there is myself.

Quote I

2008-11-03T02:22:00.002+08:00

"But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly, because you tread on my dreams."

- Willaim Butler Yeats

A bullet in your WHAT?

2008-10-31T11:55:00.006+08:00

Guy: Oh Santa
I've been waiting on you

Santa: That's funny kid
Because I've been coming for you

Guy:Oh Santa
I've been killing just for fun

Santa: Well the party's over kid
Because I
Because I got a bullet in my gun

Guy: A bullet in your WHAT?

Backup: Santa's got a bullet in his gun
You know it, Santa's got a bullet in his gun

Guy: Don't shoot me Santa Claus
I've been a clean living boy
I promise you
Did every little thing you asked me to
I can't believe the things I'm going through

Don't shoot me Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the block they tease me
I couldn’t let them off that easy

Oh Santa
It's been a real hard year

Santa: There just ain't no gettin' around this
Life is hard
But look at me
I turned out alright

Guy: Hey Santa
Why don't we talk about it?
Work it out

Santa: Believe me
This ain't what I wanted
I love all you kids, you know that
Hell, I remember when you were just 10 years old
Playing out there in the desert
Just waiting for a sip of that sweet Mojave rain

Backup :In the sweet Mojave rain
The boy was on his own

Guy: Don't shoot me Santa Claus
I've been a clean living boy
I promise you
Did every little thing you asked me to
I can't believe the things I'm going through

Hey Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the block they tease me
I couldn’t let them off that easy

They had it coming
So why can’t you see?
I couldn't turn my cheek no longer
The sun is going down and Christmas is near
Just look the other way and I’ll disappear forever

Woo!

Don't shoot me Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the street they tease me
I couldn't let them off that easy

Believe me
Santa
Santa

- "Don't shoot me Santa", The Killers

A song to add to the Christmas holiday season cheer. A definite must have. =P

First time I heard this song I laughed my ass off. Just couldn't believe what I was hearing. Then I went to youtube. Laughed a lot more. Oh man, but I needed that. If I hadn't heard this song, this post would have been alot more grim/morbid/emo.

Heh.

Lucky

2008-10-20T21:00:00.003+08:00

Do you hear me,
Talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

- "Lucky", Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat

In some ways, I have been very, very lucky. In others, not so much. Life's like that sometimes I guess. And sometimes, its NOT just about a matter of perspective, glass half full/empty kinda bullshit. Sometimes.

Memories

2008-09-07T01:24:00.003+08:00

In this world you tried,
Leaving me alone behind.
There's no other way,
I pray to the gods let him stay.
The memories cease the pain inside,
Now I know why.

All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imagine you'd be here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers, silent tears

Made me promise I'd try,
To find my way back in this life.
Hope there is a way,
To give me a sign you're okay.
Reminds me again it's worth it all,
So I can go home.

All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imagine you'd be here.
All of my memories keep you near.
In silent whispers, silent tears.

Together in all these memories,
I see your smile.
All of the memories I hold dear.
Darling you know I'll love you,
Til the end of time.

All of my memories keep you near
In silent moments,
Imagine you'd here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers, silent tears.

All of my memories...

- "Memories", Within Temptation

Finding good symphonic metal bands that I like are kinda hard. This band is one of those I like, especially with songs like 'Jillian' and 'Angel'.

A reply to my previous blog post got me thinking. Heck, even without that comment, I've been turning it over in my mind. Did I make the right decision in stopping things from going too far? Am I just being too picky, too obsessed over the past?

No. I have not. Like I said in my reply, maybe holding on to this hope is insane and bound to end in disappointment. Then again, it need not. A calculated risk I would say.

Untill the time when this hope is finally crushed or fulfilled, all of my memories will keep you near...

Sorry

2008-08-24T02:17:00.002+08:00

Oh I had a lot to say
Was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry 'bout all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all of your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

This time I think I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry 'bout all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah
Sorry!

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry 'bout all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry baby.
I'm sorry baby.
Yeah, I'm sorry.

- "Sorry", Buckcherry

I'm sorry.

I never meant to hurt you the way I did. I never meant to hurt you at all. What I did, I did it thinking...no, KNOWING its the best course for us. The only thing I blame myself for is dragging my feet about it. I should have just acted the moment I knew what I had to do.

No, no excuses. I've hurt you deeply and for that, I'm sorry. I can only hope that you'll forgive me one day. As for the rest, let's leave it up to God. Only he knows what the future holds....

Chill out

2008-08-18T22:19:00.003+08:00

Four letter word just to get me along
It's a difficulty and i'm biting on my tongue and I
I keep stalling, keeping me together
People around gotta find something to say now

Holding back, everyday the same
Don't wanna be a loner
Listen to me, oh no
I never say anything at all
But with nothing to consider they forget my name(ame, ame, ame)

They call me 'hell'
They call me 'Stacey'
They call me 'her'
They call me 'Jane'
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name

They call me 'quiet girl'
But i'm a riot
Mary, jo, lisa
Always the same
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name

I miss the catch if they throw me the ball
I'm the last kid standing up against the wall
Keep up, falling, these heels they keep me boring
Getting clamped up and sitting on the fence now

So alone all the time and I
Lock myself away
Listen to me, Oh no!
Although i'm dressed up, out and all with
Everything considered they forget my name(ame, ame, ame)

They call me 'hell'
They call me 'Stacey'
They call me 'her'
They call me 'Jane'
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name

They call me 'quiet girl'
But i'm an riot
Mary, jo, lisa
Always the same
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name

Are you calling me darling?
Are you calling me bird?
Are you calling me darling?
Are you calling me bird?

- "That's not my name", The Tings Tings

After all the emo posts, here's one thats just silly and pure fun. Just like the song. So damn catchy and groovy haha.

Our song

2008-08-11T02:58:00.008+08:00

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car
He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel
The other on my heart
I look around, turn the radio down
He says baby is something wrong?
I say nothing I was just thinking how we don't have a song
And he says...

Chorus:
Our song is the slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home ... before I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again

I was walking up the front porch steps after everything that day
Had gone all wrong and been trampled on
And lost and thrown away
Got to the hallway, well on my way to my lovin' bed
I almost didn't notice all the roses
And the note that said...

Chorus

I've heard every album, listened to the radio
Waited for something to come along
That was as good as our song...

Chorus

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone
In the front seat of his car
I grabbed a pen and an old napkin
And I wrote down our song

- "Our song", Taylor Swift

Whenever I listen to songs, I tend to associate it with particular memories...people...events...heck even items sometimes. Happens kinda randomly though. I sometimes even associate certain artistes to certain individuals...although now when I think about it the people whom I do so are kinda similar so maybe there's a reason for that.

I also remember one song that may be kinda childish, but was...is very dear to me. Granted, I didn't know the lyrics then and use to sing it all wrong all the time...but I guess the lyrics of the song wasn't so important as to the intent behind it. It was...our song.

And I still remember it even now. With all the correct lyrics too lol. Although I wonder if I'll ever sing it again.

In christ alone

2008-08-10T01:38:00.002+08:00

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I’ll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

- "In Christ Alone", Brian Littrell

Once again, I tried to live by my own strength, my own rules.
Once again, I was humbled.
I only wished I hadn't dragged others down with me.
And now, once again, I surrender to him and lay it all at his feet...

...for now? Am I doomed to eternally struggle against myself, my pride, my hubris, my ego??!! This isn't the first time nor the last time I had this problem...n I guess it won't be the last either.
Its just that its so alien a concept in our day and age to let go and surrender all when all the while we're being taught to take control of our lives and seize opportunities.

Then again, some things are truly beyond our control. Even the best laid plans, the subtlest manipulations and strongest will in the world still fail. We are, after all, only human. Damn.

*Random: When I thought of the line 'only human', I automatically followed it with 'dodge this'. A worrying sign, no?*

Glowing Sun

2008-07-14T14:05:00.002+08:00

ú vaknar þú
Allt virðist vera breytt
Eg gægist út
En er svo ekki neitt
Ur-skóna finn svo
A náttfötum hún
I draumi fann svo
Eg hékk á koðnun?

Með sólinni er hún
Og er hún, inni hér

En hvar ert þú....

Legg upp í göngu
Og tölti götuna
Sé ekk(ert) út
Og nota stjörnurnar
Sit(ur) endalaust hún
Og klifrar svo út.

Glósóli-leg hún
Komdu út

Mig vaknar draum-haf
Mitt hjartað, slá
Ufið hár.

Sturlun við fjar-óð
Sem skyldu-skrá.

Og hér ert þú...

Fannst mér.....

Og hér ert þú
Glósóli.....

Og hér ert þú
Glósóli.....

Og hér ert þú
Glósóli.....

Og hér ert þú

Now that you're awake
Everything seems different
I look around
But there's nothing at all

Put on my shoes, I then find that
She is still in her pyjamas
Then found in a dream
I'm hung by (an) anticlimax

She is with the sun
And it's out here

But where are you...

Go on a journey
And roam the streets
Can't see the way out
And so use the stars
She sits for eternity
And then climbs out

She's the glowing sun
So come out

I awake from a nightmare
My heart is beating
Out of control…

I've become so used to this craziness
That it's now compulsory

And here you are...

I'm feeling...

And here you are,
Glowing sun...

And here you are,
Glowing sun...

And here you are,
Glowing sun...

- "Glósóli", Sigur Ros

There's an otherworldliness quality to the songs from Sigur Ros...haunting, powerful...definitely not something you listen to if you want to relax or chill out. And even though I don't understand a word thats being sung (at least untill I look up the translation), that doesn't stop me from feeling the strong , raw emotions that the song imparts.

And as one guy told me, no matter how bad your troubles are and how gloomy and gray it seems, the sun is still shining ever so brightly up there.....

Snow and lights

2008-05-05T11:44:00.002+08:00

If my earlier post was about reflecting and contemplating, then I came across the perfect kind of music to listen to while I was over there as well.

It just so happened that while I was in Perth, there was an arts festival going on, with all sorts of performances going on. I went to various museums, watched several movies, and attended a few performances. It was while all this was going on that I was exposed to Explosions in the Sky for the first time.

I guess this band isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea, being purely instrumental. And not everyone I know is going to like their kind of music either. But I have to say, their kind of music is so...different from anything I've normally listened to. Slow, melancholic at times, frantic and loud at others; right now, my limited vocabulary just fails to describe it adequately.

But its perfect for me to listen whenever I want to stargaze or just lie back and relax, thats for sure.

Dream a little dream of me

2008-04-27T00:26:00.002+08:00

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singin' in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

- "Dream a little dream of me", Laura Fygi

Of all the versions that exist of this song, I like hers the most. One of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.

Wherever you are,
However you may be;
I hope that you'll,
dream a little dream of me.

Reflections, Contemplation

2008-04-12T14:38:00.004+08:00

The light was leaving in the west it was blue
The children's laughter sang
Skipping just like the stones they threw
Their voices echoed across the waves

It's getting late

It was just another nightWith a sunset and a moonrise
Not so far behind
To give us just enough light
To lay down underneath the stars
We listened to Papa's translations
Of the stories across the sky
We drew our own constellations

The west winds often last too long
And when they calm down
Nothing ever feels the same
Sheltered under the Kamani tree
Waiting for the passing rain
Clouds keep moving to uncover the sea
Of stars up above us chasing the day away
A way to find the stories the we sometimes need
Listen close enough and all else fades away
Fades away

It was just another night
With a sunset and a moonrise
Not so far behind
To give us just enough light
To lay down underneath the stars
Listen to all translations
Of the stories across the sky
We drew our own constellations

- "Constellations", Jack Johnson

I left for Perth in late February and came back in mid March. In my time there, I explored most of the places that are connected to Perth through the train stations and buses. Whenever people ask me how it was, what was the place like, I give the usual descriptions; That its a quiet place, full of nice beaches, parks and stuff.

However, the thing that I'll remember most from the trip is to lie back once in a while, and just gaze at the stars. Just lie there to reflect and contemplate. To think lazy thoughts and let my mind wander to happy memories.

If only I could thank the person who reminded me of that. Wonder how she's doing now.

Tired

2008-03-29T02:14:00.002+08:00

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

- "So Close", Jon McLaughlin

Emo song for the moment. Damn I hate/love this song. Just like I hate/love the movie.

Feeling kinda tired cos have been travelling alot lately. That was fun. Whats not so fun is having to rush up to KL just after coming back from thailand just to collect a gown(and hat...and testimonial...and frickin badge!! I already bought one before dammit!!) and come back down to malacca so as to drive my parents up again for my convo. Oh well, once in a lifetime thing so what the hell. Feeling drained and tired not because of them or the convo anyway. Got some thoughts bouncing around here at the moment but my contacts are starting to get blurry and I have to wake up tomorrow at 8 so what the hell. Some other time. Maybe I'll even have sorted out the mess inside by then and wont need to come here anymore. Heh.

Happy Chinese New Year

2008-02-14T03:54:00.002+08:00

Chinese New Year

A time for us chinese to celebrate the new year according to our own calender.

A time for family and friends to get together, catch up with one another and wish each other well.

Yea right.

Somehow, the older I grow, it seems like there is less and less to hold both family and friends together. I find that we've become strangers, unable to hold a decent conversation beyond the normal (and almost obligatory) niceties. Everyone still gathers automatically into their own little cliques, and even then conversation dries up faster than water in a desert. Sometimes, being nice and making an effort just results in being snubbed at and insulted.

Makes me wonder why I bother to swallow my retorts. Makes me wonder what ever possesed me to even think this year might have been different.

At least I can still look forward to ang pows. Heh. Happy Chinese New Year.

Thought for the day: Hope is the first step unto the road of disappointment.

Leave out all the rest

2008-02-14T03:46:00.002+08:00

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

- "Leave out all the rest", Linkin Park

To anyone and everyone who ever knew me -
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

What I've Done

2008-02-14T03:42:00.002+08:00

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

[Pre-Chorus:]
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

[Chorus:]
I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

[Pre-Chorus]

[Chorus]

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done!!!

[Chorus]

What I’ve done
Forgiving what I’ve done

- "What I've Done", Linkin Park

Maybe one day I too will be able to face EVERYTHING that I've don and hopefully, still be able to forgive myself too.

On the brink of a new year

2007-12-31T09:36:00.000+08:00

The year 2007 is nearly over.

As the year 2008 comes upon whether we like it or not, I at least will enter it with the slight confidence of having learned one very important lesson of life this year.

I've learned to move on with my life, and don't look back. To write off my past mistakes as a sunk cost, if you will, and not cry over spilt milk. To move forward and not linger on and wonder about the 'what-ifs'.

Ok, technically I already knew all of these stuff. Who doesn't really? But somehow it never really sunk in within me until one insignificant, unmemorable occasion.

Somehow, I always thought that when someone learned one of life's major lessons, there would be like...a light shining from above, or some light bulb suddenly light up in my brain or something...well, MONUMENTAL to mark it. And somehow, I had the impression that revelations such as this took place only in moments of great importance or significance. That was all plain bullshit of course.

It happened when I was playing a MMORPG actually (Lineage 2 to be precise). I was halfway through my 1st job (palus knight) and was wondering about whether I should continue with this character or not. The basic reason was because I, once again, had messed up with my character and at the moment, he was neither here nor there. I contemplated starting over again with a new character and passing all my old equipment to the new one, while being able to enjoy the benefit of tweaking my character to the max thanks to my knowledge of the game.

While I was staring at the character creation screen, I mentioned this to my housemate who also plays a heck lot of MMORPG's. Why bother, he said. You should just play on. Lost gold you can recover. If you have messed up your stats, just play on, level up and balance it out. If you lost your equipment, just play on, save enough gold and buy new stuff.

Granted he made it sound a lot easier than it really was, but when he said these things, a spark went off in my mind. Suddenly I realised that life wasn't perfect, would never be perfect and no matter how many times I started over, started anew; I would still inevitably mess it up again. The best that I could do was to bumble on through life, sometimes sure of my road, sometimes not, and just hope for the best.

And far more importantly, not to dwell on those 'what-ifs'. Sigh. Oh well.

Boston

2007-12-31T09:03:00.001+08:00

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

You don't know me, you don't even care...

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.

- "Boston", Augustana

When I was young, I would dream of one day waking up to find myself having gone back in time. And I would have done things so very, very differently. Even then, I knew I already had made so many mistakes in my life... said things I shouldn't have said, did things I shouldn't have done.

Sometimes, I wonder how things would have turned out if I have done things differently. Said different words. Restrain myself from doing stupid things. Maybe I might be a far more different person from the one I am now. More mature, wiser, optimistic...more FUN to be around with. In far less pain then now anyway, I'll settle for just that.

Then again, its the process of what I've gone through that led me to this point isn't it? Unless I retain all my previous memories, experiences and knowledge, if I somehow do ever wind up going back to my past, I'll just fuck it all up all over again.

Sigh, looking back, that dream was just plain stupid. The closest thing possible to that though would have been me moving off somewhere, someplace where I was a total stranger and starting from scratch. And that has always been a thought lurking in the recesses of my mind. To leave all my failures, mistakes behind and start anew. Afresh. A clean slate.

Yeah right, like thats gonna happen.

Pride & Gratefulness

2007-11-13T09:03:00.000+08:00

Pride: (unduly) high opinion of oneself; arrogance

Arguably the worst of the classical 7 deadly sins, the hubris of mankind has always been boundless. Mankind (or at least, ME) prides itself on being autonomous, self-created and freestanding. The result? A world with no need of God and no sense of gratitude. This, is probably my greatest fault.

Grace: Theology.

a.	the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.

b.	the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.

c.	a virtue or excellence of divine origin: the Christian graces.

d.	Also called state of grace. the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect.

"You have given so much to me. Give me one thing more - a grateful heart." - George Herbert

I seriously need to learn from this guy.

Banana Pancakes

2007-11-12T08:55:00.000+08:00

Cant you see that its just raining
Ain't no need to go outside...
But Baby, You hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song is meant to keep ya
From doing what your supposed to
Like waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like its the weekend now

And we could pretend it all the time
Cant you see that its just raining
Aint no need to go outside

But just maybe like a ukulele
Mommy made a baby
Really don't mind the practice
Cause your my little lady
Lady lady love me
Cause I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains
Pretend like there's no world outside

And we could pretend it all the time
Cant you see that its just raining
Aint no need to go outside
Aint no need aint no need Mmmm MMmmm
Cant you see cant you see
Rain all day
And I don't mind.

The telephone is singing
Ringing its too early
Don't pick it up
We don't need to we got everything
We need right here
And everything we need is enough
Just so easy
When the whole world fits inside of your arms
Don't really need to pay attention to the alarm
Wake up slow, yeah wake up slow

Baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song is meant to keep ya
From doing what your supposed to
Like waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
Ill make you banana pancakes
Pretend like its the weekend now

And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining
Aint no need to go outside
Aint no need, Aint no need
Rain all day and I really really really don't mind
Can't you see cant you see,
You gotta wake up slow

- "Banana Pancakes", Jack Johnson

Ok, let me get this part out of the way first. This is one really nice song. The rhythm, the beat, the lyrics...everything. Actually, I just like most of Jack Johnson's stuff. And for once, I'm gonna associate this with something nice.

I knew it was coming actually. Thats why I said whatever I could that was...appropriate.

Still, no matter what happens from now on, at least this song will always remind me of the time when the biggest problem we had was choosing between scones and banana pancakes.

Stupid for you

2007-11-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

It's not everyday
That I find a person quite like you
Perfect every way
I finally found the nerve to confess that it's you - that I want
I don't care if I act a fool
I would damn near beg for you
Put aside, all my pride
So don't keep me hanging here
Cause this girl is falling stupid for you..
Oh, oh stupid for you..

The proper thing to do
Is for me to act like a lady and wait
For you to make the first move

But I don't think you're getting the point
That it's you - that I want
I don't care if I act a fool
I would damn near beg for you
Put aside, all my pride
So don't keep me hanging here
Cause this girl is falling stupid for you
Oh, oh stupid for you

Why's it always feel like I am
Chasing love when nothing's there
And here I go just making the same mistakes...

I've fallen stupid for you..
oh, oh stupid for you..
oh, oh, oh, oh

- "Stupid for you", Marie Digby

Ok, so maybe I need to change the lyrics to a guy's perspective. Still, that doesn't change the fact that I'm stupid for you, about you, when I'm with you...basically, I turn into an idiot whenever and wherever you're concerned.

I'm such an idiot. One would have thought I would have learned my lesson by now.

P.S. It is a nice song btw. Pretty catchy. Too bad I tend to associate good things with bad stuff. Oh wells.

Hey There Delilah

2007-10-09T14:00:00.000+08:00

"Hey There Delilah"

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

- "Hey There Delilah", Plain White T's

There's something about this song that makes me listen to it over and over again...is it the emotion inherent in the singer's voice? The wistful longing expressed in the lyrics? The simple yet charming melody of the song? I have no idea, even as I hit the replay button again...

Music & Lyrics

2007-09-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been sitting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
Ive been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that its out there
Theres got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love

And If I open my heart to again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments that I don't know if its real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart to again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

- "Way back into Love", Hugh Grant & Haley Bennett

A great song from a nice movie. Has plenty of other nice, catchy pop songs in it as well. It really got to me, for obvious reasons. One other thing that i found memorable from the movie was a line by Drew Barrymore's character. It goes something like this...I think - " The melody is like the initial attraction between two people...but the lyrics is the thing that keeps them together"
Somehow, I like this line alot. Don't know why.

Funny isn't it

2007-09-09T07:34:00.000+08:00

Funny Isn't It?

Funny how a $100 "looks" so big when you take it to church, but so small when you take it to the mall.

Funny how long it takes to serve God for an hour, but how quickly a team plays 60 minutes of basketball.

Funny how long a couple of hours spent at church are, but how short they are when watching a movie.

Funny how we can't think of anything to say when we pray, but don't have difficulty thinking of things to talk about to a friend.

Funny how we get thrilled when a baseball game goes into extra innings, but we complain when a sermon is longer than the regular time.

Funny how hard it is to read a chapter in the Bible, but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a best selling novel.

Funny how people want to get a front seat at any game or concert, but scramble to get a back seat at church services.

Funny how we need 2 or 3 weeks advance notice to fit a church event into our schedule, but can adjust our schedule at the last moment for other events.

Funny how hard it is for people to learn a simple gospel well enough to tell others, but how simple it is for the same people to understand and repeat gossip.

Funny how we believe what the newspaper says, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, or think, or say, or do anything.

Funny how you can send a thousand "jokes" through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

FUNNY, ISN'T IT?

Note: Sourced from www.oldlutheran.com

First Love

2007-09-05T08:30:00.000+08:00

Saigo no kisu wa (Our last kiss)
Tabako no flavor ga shita (Tasted like tobacco)
Nigakute setsunai kaori (A bitter and sad smell)

Ashita no imagoro niwa (Tomorrow, at this time)
Anata wa doki ni irun darou (Where will you be?)
Dare wo omotterun darou (Who will you be thinking about?)

You are always gonna be my love (You are always gonna be my love)
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo (Even if I fall in love with someone once again)
I'll remember to love (I'll remember to love)
You taught me how (You taught me how)
You are always gonna be the one (You are always gonna be the one)
Ima wa mada kanashii love song (It's still a sad song)
Atarashii uta utaeru made (Until I can sing a new song)

Tachidomaru jikan ga (The paused time is)
Ugokidasou to shiteru (About to start moving)
Wasuretakunai koto bakari (There's many things that I don't want to forget about)

Ashita no imagoro niwa (Tomorrow, at this time)
Watashi wa kitto naiteru (I will probably be crying)
Anata wo omotterun darou (I will probably be thinking about you)

You will always be inside my heart (You will always be inside my heart)
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara (You will always have your own place)
I hope that I have a place in your heart too (I hope that I have a place in your heart too)
Now and forever you are still the one (Now and forever you are still the one)
Ima wa mada kanashii love song (It's still a sad song)
Atarashii uta utaeru made (Until I can sing a new song)

You are always gonna be my love (You are always gonna be my love)
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo (Even if I fall in love with someone once again)
I'll remember to love (I'll remember to love)
You taught me how (You taught me how)
You are always gonna be the one (You are always gonna be the one)
Mada kanashii love song (It's still a sad song)
Now and forever (Until I can sing a new song)

- "First Love", Utada Hikaru

Maybe this is all I can hope for. Unable to completely erase you out of my life, the memories...not clinging unto me, but instead firmly entrenched within me. Unsure if its thanks to my immature subconscious will or just my damned romantic soul.

Either way, you ARE always gonna be the one. Sigh.

P.S. Definitely prefer the Japanese version over the English version, even though I had to dig up the translation for it.

It is well with my soul

2007-08-13T13:36:00.000+08:00

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

- "It is well with my soul", Horatio Spafford

Sometimes, when I think I have it really bad, when I feel like being emo and indulging in all sorts of self-pity/loathing crap; I think of this song, the tragedy that Horatio suffered THROUGH NO FAULT OF HIS OWN, and I realise that nothing I have gone through can compare to that shit. And so now, I say instead "It is well, it is well, with my soul."

P.S. I'm well aware that Jesus also suffered plenty of crap through no fault of his own. I just choose not to mention him. Its a long argument over his divinity and all that stuff.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

2007-08-02T18:27:00.000+08:00

The last book is out...and yet another great series comes to an end. Yet another thing less to look forward to. Sigh, I remember a few years ago when the Harry Potter series were just out, everyone was counting down to the next LOTR movie, and the matrix was still universally regarded as cool. Back then, there was quite a few things to look forward to.

Oh well, all good things come to an end...how well I know that truth. Too well.

Anyway, no, I haven't gotten the book yet even though there was a mini-price war going on around here. Plan to just buy it next time when the price drops to a quarter of what it is now. In the meantime though, I stumbled upon this, which I daresay is as entertaining as the real novel, if not more so. Totally hilarious.

Warning: Full of spoilers. Don't even go near if you haven't read the novel yet. Its actually a parody of the novel, so yeah, really funny but full of spoilers.

Apples vs. Oranges

2007-08-02T18:17:00.001+08:00

Have you ever encountered an argument/debate where one party (usually on the losing end) sometimes throws out the statement "But thats comparing apples and oranges!". They think in that doing so, they can at least achieve a stalemate of sorts as that is supposed to mean that the two objects being compared are so fundamentally different that any comparison is impossible.

Well, not anymore! Thanks to this, now you too can have the perfect counter-argument to this statement, making sure that people don't simply throw it around anymore!

Btw, apples > oranges. After all, apples can at least keep doctors away (the way garlics own vampires). Oranges cant do nuts. ^^

Heart of a servant

2007-07-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

Ku tak membawa
Apapun juga
Saatku datang ke dunia

Ku tinggal semua
Pada akhirnya
Saatky kembali ke syurga

Inilah yang kupunya
Hati sebagai hamba
Yang mau taat dan setia
Padamu bapa

Kemanaku pun bawa
Hati yang menyembah
Dalam roh dan kebenaran
Sampai selamanya

Bagaimana ku membalas kasihmu
Semua yang ku punya
Itu milikmu
Itu milikmu...

- "Hati sebagai Hamba"

Speak lord, thy servant heareth.
Even if he doesn't like what he hears sometimes. (Ok, so its many times. Sue me.)

P.S. A song I learned in Indonesia, this is one of the few songs that is highly meaningful to me. Besides bringing fond memories of my time in Indonesia, it also constantly reminds me of what and how I should be like in my relationship with God.

God will always make a way

2007-07-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Draw me closely to his side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness He'll guide me
Rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But his word will still remain
He will do something new today

- " God will make a way"

God, please help me to remember that you will always make a way.
That you have a plan for me and that you have my best interests at heart.
Its just that I know your ways are not always in accordance to my ways.
So please help me to remember and accept that too.
Thank you.

Baby can I hold you

2007-07-26T23:17:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry
Is all that you can say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like I'm sorry
I'm sorry...

Forgive me
Is all that you can say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like forgive me
Forgive me...

But you can say baby
Baby, can I hold you tonight
Baby if I told you the right words
At the right time

I love you
Is all that you can say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like I love you
I love you...

But you can say baby
Baby, can I hold you tonight
Baby if I told you the right words
At the right time
You'll be mine

Baby can I hold you tonight...

- "Baby can I hold you" Boyzone

I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
I still love you.
Sigh.

P.S. An interesting thing I noticed was that the original song by Tracy Chapman used "can't" instead of "can" in the 2nd line of each stanza. Is it because Boyzone changed the lyrics to express something else entirely, or merely Ronan Keating's accent smothering that word in the song? Oh well, another of life's great mysteries. :p

I wanna go home

2007-07-19T19:15:00.000+08:00

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day
Has come and gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

- Michael Buble, "Home"

It is said that home is where the heart is.
And I want to go home.
Oh please let me go home.
But I don't even know where home is anymore.