I sometimes think this

He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better

He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says, you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine

But I've been screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He respects my space and never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
He's close to my mother
Talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing, and I'm comfortable

But I've been screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He can't see the smile I'm fakin'
And my heart's not breakin'
'Cause I'm not feelin' anything at all

And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated
Got away by some mistake and now

I'll be screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
It's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

And that's the way I loved you
I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

- "The way I loved you", Taylor Swift

Do I love you? Or am I just playing the role of a boy friend so well that I cant tell the difference. Is this just me thinking that the grass is greener on the other side (in other words, being an asshole); or am I really trapping myself in a relationship where I'm...settling for someone, and am not actually passionate about someone?

I wish I knew you know. Really. When you're with me, I act, behave, and pretty much how you expect a boyfriend to be. When you're not, I find myself thinking thoughts like this, my attentions and affections wandering, my faithfulness to you increasingly being tested with each encounter.

And I really don't want to live like this. You're everything a guy could ask for really, no matter what baggage you come with. Everyone has their own issues after all. And yet, I'm missing that fiery passion that comes when someone special enters my life, fills me completely, makes me act crazy. The way I was when I was with...others.

Still, I'm conscious of the possibility that I'm in fact, fed too much of hollywood bullshit and that I'm actually more in love with the idea of "Romantic Love" as we see/read in fiction then I'm in love with a real person. Maybe how I feel for you is actually what other people have, just that I myself am unsatisfied, thinking that there is more to it or what not.

I have done some seemingly crazy things, but in truth, I know in a few of them I was actually coldly calculating the best response to the situation, while in the majority of others, I was really just...being a boyfriend. One could say I was...fulfilling my duty. Heh. I'm not sure how many I did was out of the fact that I was head over heels, madly, truly, deeply in love with you.

The way I loved others before.