New Divide

I remembered black skies / the lightning all around me
I remembered each flash / as time began to blur
Like a startling sign / that fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

CHORUS

So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason / to fill this hole / connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide

There was nothing in sight / but memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide / the ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in / between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

CHORUS

So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Across this new divide

In every loss / in every lie
In every truth that you'd deny
And each regret / and each goodbye
was a mistake to great to hide
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

CHORUS

So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason / to fill this hole / connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide x3

- "New Divide", Linkin Park

Watched Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen yesterday...pretty good, but kinda lacks that AWESOME factor to it you know? Didn't get me as excited as the first movie, the Dark Knight, Star Trek or Ironman did.

Also, just came back from Redang. Went scuba diving with the CF email chain gang and Suk Mun's UOB colleagues. Pretty fun all in all, scuba diving really does allow you to enter another world, to see things you could never see on the surface of the land. Can't wait to go for the next dive. What was less fun was my tire bursting on me on my way up n totalling my car with the divider. =(

Hmm...well, I've left my previous job am and now going to start work at my new place on July 6th. Definitely will be a lot busier then where I formerly was. Heh, looking forward to it though. Bumming around now and enjoying it while I still can ><"

Put up this song mainly due to the Transformers. Been listening more to Lacuna Coil and oddly, Taylor Swift. Oh well, till next time.

Late nite....again

Well, here I am again. I always seem to post at nite hmm...guess the stillness of the world at this time tends to bring out something in me.

Quite a few people have asked me about my previous post, or to be exact, the same way janice asked, "who and who?!"

Well, there's ultimately a difference between missing someone and reminiscing about someone. For me, certain songs (and to a lesser extent, items and pictures) tend to trigger memories in me, memories about people, about stages in my life...

I guess I could say I was going over my memories of my past...reliving them. But was I merely reminiscing or did it go deeper then that? I think the most correct thing to say was that I was thinking about them....I think.

I do know one thing though. I'm definitely gonna leave my job. Just a matter of when.

Late night rambling

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
Loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet
Perfect words that you said

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God, when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Sing sha la la la
Sing sha la la la la

Ooo Ooo Ooo...
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me, drown me in love

It's all wrong, it's all wrong
It's all wrong, it's so right
So come on, get higher
So come on and get higher
'Cause everything works, love
Everything works in your arms.

- "Come on get higher", Matt Nathanson

No particular reason why I chose this song. Just like that John Mayer/Jason Mraz feel to it.

I'll admit I still occasionally think of you. And you too. This despite the fact that for all intents and purposes, I'm attached to someone else. I'm such an asshole.

I really do need to be emo to finish a blog post apparently. Right now every time I feel like blogging something I tend to lose steam halfway and leave it at draft form. Then later delete it when I lose the urge to blog about that particular rant/incident/thoughts/rambling.

Can just say am not that happy with my current job. Am thinking whether one should honor their contract and why. Have to admit that leaving my job would be mainly due to pride/envy more then anything else.

This is troubling. Pride seems to be the main motivator in my life. That, and laziness.

Would even go so far as to say have been mildly dissatisfied with life in general so far until today. Odd right. Somehow found peace of god after some questioning, some serious discussion, a lot of reading and thinking.

Not good. Especially that I'm still awake at 3am.

Sleepy time.

First post of Year 2009

Hello.

It’s been a while since I’ve logged on here. Guess I haven’t been indulging in self-pitying and emo sessions. Heh.

Anyways, I’m trying to start afresh this year and so far it seems somewhat successful I guess. Still see-sawing between being a Christian and a free-thinker, but then again, I’ve always been somewhere in between, just depends on whether I lean more to one side or the other at various points in my life.

Oh, and for those who still don’t know, I’ve started work already. Won’t mention my workplace online, but you can always ask me personally. Some know where I work anyway.

Right. A new years resolution for me is not to use this blog as a emo dumpsite anymore. Not to say I won’t emo here, but I’m resolving to be less indulgent in such…weaknesses? Yea… This would mean I’ll start blogging on other stuff more instead. Maybe I’ll get to have a chuckle when I read my posts years from now.

Or more likely, cringe in embarrassment, then delete everything ><” We’ll see.

Over

My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you ' or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over

- "It's not over", Secondhand Serenade

Well. Its over.

She technically was avoiding me last year I guess. Not this year.

She just sees me as a friend now. At least we can talk to each other honestly and straightforwardly.

I'm disappointed, its true. And yet, maybe because I've already expected it deep down, or maybe I'm just blocking it off, I'm not as upset as I thought I would be. In fact, a part of me is....relieved. Not exactly what I thought I would feel.

I could just kick myself for my own stupidity, past and present, but that won't really help matters anymore at this point of time I guess.

Time to move on.

Rambling Thoughts

There are so many other things I should blog about. That I can blog about. That I'm planning to blog about. But undeniably, I only tend to blog when I'm feeling down or emo. And being a brooding and melancholic guy by nature, this tends to happen pretty often...especially if left alone.

*Much online reading later*

Ok, so I got sidetracked...as I often do. What originally was about to turn into an emo post has changed abit. I started reading some websites on freewill, a question that has always been bugging me for a long time and there sure are quite a few forums going on about it. From there, it leads to questions of omnipotence, freewill vs. morality....but I think I'll leave that for another time.

Ok, so maybe I'm still gonna go ahead with the original post, but at least I know I'm not feeling so emo anymore. Hmmm...you know, I really should stop using that word. 'Emo' is one of those words that don't really describe anything, like 'nice'.

RAAARRRRHHHHH!!!! *ahem* Heh, I remember reading in a humorous book where a running gag was that more than 3 exclamation marks by a person usually denote an unhinged mind. 5 was a sure sign of insanity.

Ah forget it. When I'm not feeling emo or being focused, my mind wanders around way too much. No way I can type out my original post anymore. I suppose that's for the best in any case.

I'm thinking of you right now though. I realize that I may not be as important to you as you are to me. It hurts. If you don't want to see me it would be better to just say it instead of always being busy or somewhere else. Cos just so you know, I'll always keep asking unless you tell me not to.

Heh, guess I ended up being a little emo after all.

Pieces

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit here anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

I don't know why

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit anymore

Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Cause I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why

- "Pieces don't fit anymore", James Morrison

My life is a mess. I'm a mess; Mentally, Emotionally, Physically. I thought I had a plan, but like they say, the best laid plans never survive contact with the enemy.

The thing is, sometimes, the worst enemy out there is myself.